Angel & Chris James – Finding a Purpose
Surviving a stroke is more than regaining function. While there’s no doubt that becoming functional again is a major goal and a huge accomplishment, regaining a sense of self and adapting to a more nuanced identity plays a major role in who the stroke survivor is when they realize that they have actually survived the stroke.
Angel James was a vibrant, engaged, multi-faceted and very busy person before her stroke. She worked full time for her city, was an accomplished singer with her own band and singing gigs around town, she was a mom with 5 kids, a devoted wife, a doting grandmother, and a well-rounded lover of life.
On February 4, 2023, Angel’s life and lifestyle was placed in grave jeopardy by an ischemic stroke. She had spent the entire day in a video session for a choir performance. When she got home she settled in to watch a movie with her granddaughter. During the movie her granddaughter asked “Grandma, what’s wrong?”. Angel tried to respond but was apparently not making sense because her granddaughter asked again, “Grandma, what’s wrong?”. At that point Angel told her granddaughter to” call Papa”, Angel’s husband, Chris, who was upstairs.
At first Chris and Angel’s son, PJ thought she was choking and administered the Heimlich Maneuver. When this didn’t help it became apparent that there was something else wrong. Angel went upstairs to seek some relief and Chris accompanied her. When the ambulance arrived, Angel was still awake, and Chris was rubbing her legs. She walked to the ambulance on her own, but as soon as she felt the ambulance start moving she allowed herself to fall asleep.
She awoke in ICU to see her family gathered around her. Some had traveled a great distance to be with her. But her 3 days in ICU was spent mostly sleeping. After ICU she was moved to the hospital for a couple of weeks, where she did her best to regain what strength she could. The next stop on this confusing journey was the rehab center. Angel did well enough to earn an early release from what should have been a 2-week stint in rehab. Angel was still struggling with speech, swallowing, and was unable to walk.
In spite of her progress in rehab, Angel spent the weeks since the stroke crying a lot. And although she worked hard to keep her emotions to herself, she was frustrated, anxious and distraught over her loss and concerns that she might never improve.
Stroke victimizes more than the person experiencing the stroke. Chris, Angel’s husband, was overwhelmed by the sudden need for him to handle all the responsibilities usually assigned to Angel. And although the extra load required a heroic addition of time, attention, and energy, it was never enough to distract him from his own anxieties, frustrations and concerns.
Angel and Chris emphasize that in addition to regaining function in thinking, communication, and motor skills, stroke survivors need to regain function as family members, friends, and members of the broader society. Stroke survivors typically contribute abundantly and significantly to the lives of the people around them and in their extended communities. Angel comes from a big family and has a lot of friends. She was accustomed to enjoying and contributing to many rich and rewarding relationships. Experiencing a stroke doesn’t necessarily end these relationships, but it can impact them.
Stroke survivors may not have the capacity to participate in relationships in the same way they did before the stroke, especially in the initial phases of rehab and recovery, when everything is very difficult. Chris aptly described it as “layers of relationships.” He noted that “every layer is impacted by stroke.”
We’re approaching 2 years since Angel had the stroke. Her improvement has been impressive. Ten months after the stroke Angel tried returning to work. She was trying to work 36 hours a week at a job that she loved. “It was a form of therapy”, she says. Her job required her to attend meetings, communicate with others and write emails. Unfortunately, the challenges to her communication created by the stroke have left Angel feeling inadequate. With her job being communication intensive the aphasia presented obstacles to her success daily. Although her workmates and supervisors were supportive of her efforts Angel’s inability to communicate efficiently lead to her being laid off. But rather than allowing this setback to defeat her Angel views it as one more reason to work hard on improving.
Even though she doesn’t sing like she used to Angel is taking voice lessons and sings at her church. Her family is still a big part of her life. And she is contributes to their lives as well. “God left me here for a reason,” Angel explains, “so I need to get better and find out what that reason is.”
As they look back on the experience both Angel and Chris recognize ways the stroke has changed them. Angel has developed a communication style that is less filtered than it was before. Perhaps it’s because there aren’t as many words at her disposal, causing her to be more succinct, or maybe she just feels a need to get directly to the point. For Chris it is a heightened appreciation for how much Angel contributed to the family. Especially the little things that went unnoticed before.
Angel and Chris each have advice for stroke survivors and their companions / caretakers. Angel says:
- Always have hope. Hope in God, hope in your family, and hope in yourself.
- Don’t forget to have fun and stay positive.
- Treasure your family and friends.
For those who are taking care of stroke survivors, Chris offers this wisdom:
- Stay strong.
- Be patient with the stroke survivor and yourself. Accept that you are going to make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.
As a final observation Angel noted, “As long as I am walking and somewhat talking, and can see a brand-new day…I know I am blessed to be alive.”
Surviving a stroke is hard work mentally, physically and emotionally, not just for the stroke survivor but also for the families and friends who are impacted. Angel, Chris, along with their family and friends are proof that with dedication, hope, love, strength and support, Stroke Survivors CAN!
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Stroke Survivors CAN
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Meridian, ID 83642
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